Waiting to Feel Ready Is Holding You Back
I was four hours into my first job in the HR / Talent space when my new boss told me he had quit to leave for another company. His last day in the office was two weeks out.
Not three days later, I was on a flight to New York to present a competency model I had never seen before.
I remember nodding calmly as he explained his departure. I walked back to my desk and felt the ground shift a little. I had less than half a day of experience in this function and I was now responsible for it. Two days later I was headed to the East Coast to explain a body of work I did not create to a room full of leaders who absolutely knew more about it than I did.
On the six hour flight I rehearsed the deck over and over. I barely slept that night in my tiny Tribeca hotel. I kept thinking “I should not be the one doing this. Someone more qualified should be here.”
But the next morning I stood up and delivered the presentation, answering questions as they came. I held the room and by all accounts, I crushed it. I had survived my first (of many) challenges in my new world of HR.
That moment taught me something I did not fully understand at the time.
Confidence did not show up before I boarded that plane. It showed up after I did the thing and realized I could handle it.
For a long time I thought confidence would arrive as a result of hard work. I assumed if I kept improving, eventually I would feel sure of myself.
Instead, every time I improved, my standards grew with me and what used to feel like a stretch started to feel normal. What used to feel impressive became the new bare minimum. I kept moving the bar, telling myself I needed a little more experience, a little more evidence, a little more time.
Even when you are growing you can still feel behind.
At some point I realized I was very good at building skill and not as good at building self-trust.
Those are two different tracks:
Skill answers the question, “Can I do the job?”
Self-trust answers the question, “Can I handle being seen doing the job.”
Most women I know were trained early to prioritize the first one. We were praised for getting things right, for being prepared and for thinking things through logically. That preparation served us well and even opened some doors by building credibility.
But it also trained us to believe that more preparation would eventually remove the discomfort of visibility.
But alas, it does not.
I have worked with women who run teams, functions, and even entire companies. On paper they are more than qualified for the role they have and the one they want next. And yet, still they are waiting for a signal that they are ready.
What they are waiting for is not more competence, it is the absence of nerves.The problem is that the nerves rarely disappear first.
Confidence is not a feeling that arrives and then allows you to move. It grows after you move and survive it.
I saw that clearly years later when I met with an Executive Coach while I was still in-house. He spent the first twenty minutes of our conversation outlining the 30 certifications he held. It was clear he was trying to convince me of his credibility, but what struck me wasn’t his résumé. It was the feeling underneath it. In that moment I knew exactly what it felt like to be him.
I have hidden behind preparation too. I have collected experiences, credentials and proof points thinking that one more line would finally make me feel secure enough to step fully into something bigger. Watching him list his certifications, I realized how easy it is to confuse accumulation with confidence.
It was uncomfortable because I recognized the pattern. More lines on our résumé do not create self-trust.
When I look back at that New York presentation, I was not fearless but I was prepared and I was willing to be uncomfortable and show up like the person I knew the moment deserved. That willingness gave me evidence and that evidence shifted how I saw myself.
Over time, those moments accumulate.
Speak before you’re ready
Raise your hand when you have a great idea, but think it’s easier to stay quet
Take the role
Take the risk
Repetition builds confidence.
When I boarded that plane to New York, I did not feel confident- I felt exposed. Nothing about that trip made me calmer, but standing in front of the room anyway and realizing I could hold the room changed me.
That is how self-trust is built…in motion.
If you have been telling yourself you just need to be better before you go for it, I understand. That story feels responsible and safe, but there is a good chance you are already skilled enough.
You do not need more skill to take your next step, you need evidence that you can survive it. And the only way to get that evidence is to leap first.